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Christian Dating Guide HOME : Chrisitan Dating Advice Home : January 2006
|February 7, 2006 09:53 - Dealing With 3rd Party In Your Relationship...Porn
The last time I checked, porn was search 206,358.0 times a day on a single search engine. Pornography was searched 11,278.0 times a day, sex 143,253.0 times. Porn might just be the invisible 3rd party in your dating relationship today. Are you addicted to porn? Do you know if your partner is addicted porn?
I believe the prevalence of porn is still very much under-rated by the christian community, even though we have been told by Oprah that it's a $12 billion industry in USA alone. Most of the sitcoms, movies, basically the media in general has lured into accepting porn as a way of life for most young people. Almost without fail, every single man I have counselled was first exposed to porn at home!
Porn is no respect of sexes, vocation, religion and race. Both men and women are just as likely to be addicted to porn. Pastors are not excluded! My wife and I watched the Room Raiders on MTV one Saturday night and porn was found in both the male's and female's room, specifically in magazines hidden in drawers and boxes, on DVD players, computers and even mobile phones!
So what has porn got to do with dating? Would you date a person who is addicted to porn? Do you also believe porn will go away after you get married?
The potential of your relationship, your marriage, your life cannot released if you are still living in bondage. I speak from personal experience when I make all the above statements, I was a slave to porn for many years myself. It never went away when I got married, in fact it got worse! In my mind then, I was entertaining the thought of how can anyone truly live without porn in their life at all? It was impossible but not anymore and if you believe in the bible like I do, Phi 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
No God won't zap your porn away overnight, it does not work this way. It's a process of refining, and it does not happen automatically. it requires a soft heart. If today you know you are in a relationship that has been disabled by porn, it's not too late to salvage it. This also applies to those who married. And if you are christian single today who is addicted to porn, I would strongly urge you to break the bondage in your life first before engaging in any relationship at all.
Click over to SettingCaptivesFree.com and sign up for the course called The Way of Purity, it's a 60 day course where you would be assigned to a mentor who will walk with you through the daily lessons. I took it almost 3 years ago but my life has been truly transformed not by the course but His grace!
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February 22, 2006 17:52 - Lies of Fighting Temptations
Almost a few days ago, I felt led to write to all of you on the topic of fighting temptations, it was a lie that I bought into for many years. It's timely since Valentine's day is coming soon and there are potentially many dating couples who are making plans to get together.
How many of you actually believe that if you are holy and godly enough, you would be able to fight off temptation effortlessly. This ties in very closely with porn, something I talked about last week in my blog.
Many of us like to think that the moment we are saved we should have the grace to overcome almost everything automatically. So it should not be a problem if we allow our girlfriend or boyfriend to come over to our place when no one is around, I am sure we can handle it! Surely we are spiritually mature enough and strong at fighting temptations!
Or it should not be a problem if we just watch movies or read materials with minor suggestive content, surely we are stronger than that!
Temptation affects everyone, male and female alike, some are more tempted by money, success, sex, drugs than other form of vices. The only people I know who are not the least tempted by anything in life are found in the cemetry.
In the context of dating, let's deal with the most common temptation of all, physical intimacy. How do you know you are strong enough to fight off temptation, do you intentionally put yourself in compromising situation to test how you would react or respond?
Or do you try to walk as close as you can along the cliff to see if you can prevent yourself from falling...
Instead of hearsay, or getting advice from well-meaning friends, let's look at what the Word of God has to say...go with me to the book of Genesis 39:7-12.
Basically, Joseph was sold as slave to one of Pharaoh's official, Potiphar. God blessed Joseph so much so that he was made in charge of the entire Potiphar's houshold. Being well-built and handsome, Potiphar's wife began to take notice of him, invited him to "Come to bed with me!", verse 7.
Verse 8 & 9, Joseph refused and said how could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?
Take note of verse 10, Potiphar's wife spoke to Joseph day after day.
Verse 11 & 12, he was alone in the house with no one around, Potiphar's wife came in and took hold of his cloak and said "Come to bed with me!" Notice the use of exclaimation mark, the seemingly urgent call of temptation!
But Joseph left his cloak in her hand and RAN out of the house.
Temptation is like Potiphar's wife, perhap more subtle and better disguised, they beckon everyday. So be prepared to come face to face with temptations everyday, but never once did Joseph caved in, or went around looking for temptation.
But the last straw that got Joseph into jail was when he allowed himself to be alone in the house. The devil knows when is the best time to strike, he knows and we know, being alone at times is never appropriate.
But the essence of these verses is found in verse 12 when Joseph ran out of the house. See, Joseph did not hang around and try to convince Potiphar's wife what she's doing was wrong or tried preaching to her. So don't ever use the pretext of wanting to 'teach' the other person what they are doing is wrong. Simply do what Joseph did, run out of the house, or run out of whatever situation you are in whenever you are faced with temptation.
Running away does not make one weak, on the contrary it goes to show how one is truly strong in God! So let's recap the lessons learnt...
1. Temptations will come knocking very frequently sometimes daily, or even hourly. Are you experiencing the same today? Are there any areas in your life today you know are potentially tempting you.
2. God has witheld nothing from us, so don't ever be deceive into thinking we are missing out on something if you bypass the offer to 'taste' the fruit. - verse 9.
3. Don't ever be alone in the house with your boyfriend/girlfriend no matter how valid the reason is. This applies not only to the house but anywhere too.
4. Run way from temptations, avoid places, friends, or materials you know are temptating to you. Joseph did not even care about his cloak when he ran, so neither should we care about what our friends will say about us, or what others would think of us. I would choose to have God think highly of me than anyone on earth.
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