People Can Change If They Love Someone
to Character Traits page
Is it true that people can change if they love
someone enough? Maybe for a while...
I have pointed out that you have little chance of
dating someone who
is tailor-made to your particular personality.
The best you are likely to do is what we called
"good suitability." Therefore, there will be many things about you
both which the other would very much like to change.
We cannot emphasize too strongly that every person
has to act in accordance with the kind of person he is. No promise,
however sincere, whether made before, during, or after a marriage,
can change the essential pattern of any personality.
This is why wise selection is so vital. The one you
marry is the one you get. Of course, people do change with age and
experience. The one you marry will not forever remain the game.
Neither will you. Such changes will, in part, result from the
experiences of marriage.
But such changes will be what they will be, not
what you want them to be. They may leave the other less, rather than
more satisfactory to you.
Can you influence this process of inevitable
change in desired ways? Here are some of your possibilities.
In trivial matters unrelated to a basic need, you
may be able to get some changes with little difficulty. The problem
of changing a person is often like that of alterations in a house. A
man bought a house which had a tiny bathroom which could easily have
been larger had the builder used some of the waste room in the hall.
Before the house was built, such a change would
have been simple. After it was built, the change would require a
shifting of three partitions and two doorways. Such a change would
have cost too much. So it is with the ones we date. If we could
bring them up from babyhood, we would properly make some real
But after they are grown, basic changes may prove
far more costly than they are worth. Furthermore, a house cannot
actively resist alterations, but a husband can; and usually does.
Finally, if you think people can change if they
love someone enough, it may indicate that something is wrong
with you, rather than with the other party.
Many people have personal deficiencies which they
feel unable to overcome, and about which they feel insecure. If they
can get others to adopt their peculiarities, they feel less
uncomfortable about them.
Those who are too zealous in seeking to convert
others to their religion or their point of view are rightly viewed
with suspicion. Often what they are really trying to do is to gain
support for their own abnormalities as a means of finding greater
security for themselves.
Still believe people can change if they love
Return People Can
Change If They Love Someone Enough to Christian Dating Advice for