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What Happens If You Fall Out Of Love After Marriage?


What if after your marriage you fall out of love with the other? This is merely a phase of a larger problem.

When Louise found that her husband was not at all the kind of man she had supposed him to be, but was a professional gambler and forger, her feelings toward him naturally changed basically.

Therefore she dissolved the marriage. But when there is no such marriage crisis resulting from the disclosure of a serious personality or character traits defect, suppose that one of you just fall out of love the other what then?

Bear in mind, first of all, you don't fall out of love by chance. People who have loved each other enough to marry do not suddenly or gradually lose interest unless there is some very real reason.

In some cases, a couple may lose interest because it really never existed in any substantial way. Many cases are not so simple. In some instances the love was once genuine and deep.

The couple have been married for some years, and there are children to complicate the situation. What then? In such cases the couple should ask themselves such questions as the following:

Is the change in our feelings temporary or permanent? Many couples find that at times, they are not only uninteresting to each other, but positively repulsive.

If such feelings last longer than usual, or if they are complicated by some difficulty which makes one or both feel annoyed and depressed, a person may think that love has gone when actually it may be as strong as ever.

If, after some time, there seems to be no change for the better, or matters seem to become worse, it is time for the second question. What is the basic cause for our change in feeling, and what should be done about it?

The answer to this question admittedly is not easy. To find the real answer may require the services of a competent psychiatrist for some time. Yet many people can come to recognize some of the possibilities.

The person may have fall out of love because of some personality difficulty within himself. Internal tensions and inner conflicts may have left an individual who desires only to be by himself, incapable of loving anyone until he has learned to be at peace within himself.

Moral breakdown, or the threat of it, may be the trouble that cause people to fall out of love. Norman was treasurer of his company. For a time he was strongly tempted to run off with the funds.

His wife was a woman of high ideals. She stood as a barrier between him and what he wanted to do. As his temptation became stronger, so grew his need to push her aside. He began by being excessively critical.

The increase of pressure within himself resulted in an increased resentment of her, until his former love crescendoed into almost blind hatred. Like some diseases, his desire finally reached a crisis when he either had to yield, or to eliminate the temptation from his life. He decided to remain honest. With this decision his love for his wife returned, stronger than ever.

Shameful desires and tender feelings of love do not get along well within the same person. Was the marriage really a mistake? Some will want to stick it out, for the sake of appearances, or the children, or in hopes that the situation may change for the better.

One of the tragedies of our times is the number of marriages which have been dissolved before they have been given a real chance. If the marriage was real in the first place, the couple will have done considerable building through the years.

The construction thus begun should not be scrapped without very good reason, including the probability that another attempt may prove far more successful. It may be well to take the same attitude toward a sick marriage which we would take toward a sick child; it should be cured if possible.

It may cost hundreds of dollars and months of the very best expert attention to cure a physical ailment. The cure for a sick marriage may prove quite as difficult and costly. But remember, that if it does die, a part of you dies with it.

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